A couple swears by a yearly 4-page 'relationship contract' — here's what psychologists have to say about it

Erin Brodwin

For all the emphasis we place on romantic relationships, they seem to involve a lot of guesswork.

Look at the language we use to describe love: Instead of choosing to love someone, you fall for them. When you're attracted to someone, you say you're into them. Spontaneity is key too — dates and marriage proposals aren't things partners are expected to sit down together and plan.

But relying on intuition and surprises — although romantic — can also be ripe terrain for miscommunication. In a New York Times "Modern Love" column,author Mandy Len Catron said she and her partner had found a better way .

It involves something she called a "relationship contract."

For some couples, a relationship contract may not work.John Gottman, a psychology professor at the University of Washington and a marriage therapist who has been studying couples for decades, believes it could even threaten the health of a relationship.

"Based on the literature and research on relationships, the contracting idea is not a pathway to staying in love," Gottman told Business Insider. "Quite the contrary."

If each partner in a relationship sees his or her action of deserving of an equal "quid pro quo"-like response, that could spell disaster. It's something Gottman said he has seen many times — instead of simply behaving in ways that display feelings of love and kindness, partners begin to see each of their actions as deserving of an equal response.

Read the entire article here .